


You Make Me Smile

by wesawbears



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 19:21:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8069659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wesawbears/pseuds/wesawbears
Summary: 5 times Jean was overwhelmed in a good way by kissing Jeremy and one time Jeremy was overwhelmed from kissing Jean.





	1. Chapter 1

Jean shows up to his and Jeremy’s first date with the cheery mindset that the relationship is over before it began. 

He thought he had been completely losing his mind when Jeremy approached him looking uncharacteristically shy and had asked, looking far too casual, if Jean wanted to get a coffee with him sometime. Jean agreed, thinking nothing of it, until he was talking to Alvarez later that day and was informed that it was, in Jeremy’s mind, a date, and that if he wasn’t agreeable to that he better let Jeremy down easy quickly before Alvarez put him into an early grave.

Upon further consideration, however, Jean found that he really did want to go out with Jeremy. The other man was attractive, with his sunny smile and hair that Jean wanted to run his hands through. The only problem was that sunny, achingly beautiful Jeremy was far too good for Jean.

Still, he thought as he opened the door to the coffee shop they agreed to meet at, he owed it to Jeremy to at least give him the chance to see that Jean wasn’t worth this.

“Hey!” Jeremy waved him over, standing up from his seat to greet him. Jean moved to sit down, only to have his heart crack completely in two when Jeremy pulled his seat out for him.

Jean settled in gingerly and waited for Jeremy to sit down before saying with a slight smile, “It is just coffee.”

He meant it as a joke, but instantly regretted it when he saw Jeremy’s face fall slightly. He recovered quickly though and said with a smile, “I know. I just want to give you the full date experience, you know?”

“It’s not as though I would know any different if you didn’t.”

“That’s true,” Jeremy laughed nervously, running a hand through his hair. “So! Uh, coffee?”

“Yes, please. 1 cream.”

“You got it,” Jeremy bounded up from the table to the counter and Jean was sad, but relieved. It broke his heart to see Jeremy disappointed, but it was better for him in the long run. 

Jeremy returns a few moments later with two cups and he hands Jeans to him gingerly. “Careful. It’s hot.”

“What did you get?” Jean asks, figuring he should at least be polite.

“Oh,” Jeremy says, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s, uh, white chocolate mocha. I like my coffee sweet.”

Jean looks perplexed. “Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of coffee?”

 

Jeremy looks like he’s deciding what to say before defeatedly saying into his coffee, “You defeat the purpose of coffee.”

That startles a laugh out of Jean despite himself and he’s glad to see the sunbeam smile return to Jeremy’s face.

They talk for half an hour and Jean can feel the walls he’s built up starting to crumble a little and he’s scared, scared, scared, but he also wants to try so bad. Can’t he have one good thing?

“Can I kiss you?” Jeremy asks softly, pulling Jean out of his head.

“Um,” Jean says eloquently.

Jeremy blushes. “I understand. It’s too soon. Or you just don’t want to. At all. I know I’m a lot.”

Jean shakes his head. “No. I want to. I’m just...you want to?”

“Duh?”

“Alright,” Jean answers. Just one kiss. Just to get it out of his system.

Jeremy leans forward and rises to his tiptoes to capture Jean’s lips in his and it tastes like coffee and sugar and sunlight and Jean’s falling and it’s terrifying, but it’s good. So good.


	2. Chapter 2

It turns out that “just one kiss to get it out of his system” turns into many kisses and nowhere near getting it out of his system. One of the particularly memorable moments is sitting in their dorm room bent over Jeremy’s laptop watching a Disney movie because Jeremy insisted it was a tragedy that Jean hadn’t seen any. This one involves a mermaid and a talking crab, among other things. Jean considers it a definite improvement over the one about the elephant with big ears.

He finds himself connecting a little bit too closely with “Part of Your World”, but is grounded by Jeremy shyly taking his hand and pressing it to his lips. He’s noticed that Jeremy has a bit of an obsession with his hands. He doesn’t understand why, but Jeremy loves to run his fingers over the crooked edges and scars of his fingers. Jean lets him, because he may not understand, but he’s already so gone for this boy and if he’s going to fall, he might as well fall all the way.

On the screen, the crab is leading a group of wetland creatures in some sort of song encouraging the prince to kiss the mermaid. Jean thinks that the prince is supremely stupid for not hearing the chorus of animals, but Jeremy is humming along happily and he’s already been scolded once for taking a children’s movie too seriously. 

They reach the end of the song and Jean leans in to kiss Jeremy, feeling like his timing is appropriate. Jeremy continues humming into his lips and when he pulls away he’s beaming like Jean had given him some gift.

“What?” Jean asks, bemused.

“I think that’s the first time you’ve kissed me without me initiating it.”

Jean considers for a moment before saying, “Yes. I suppose it is.”

Jeremy hums before turning his attention back to the screen and threading his fingers through Jean’s.

“If you’re thinking of throwing a party leave me out of it.”

Jeremy laughs and leans in to kiss Jean’s cheek, saying “I’ll give you the highlights.”

Jean rolls his eyes fondly, but leans in to catch Jeremy’s lips again. It’s so much, for Jean to be acknowledging this, acknowledging his active role in this, but if it keeps Jeremy smiling like that it’s more than worth it. 

“So does that make me Ariel?” Jeremy asks when they pull away.

“Sure. But I’m not as dumb as that prince.”

That opens him up to an impassioned tirade from Jeremy and it’s music to Jean’s ears.


	3. Chapter 3

About three months later, Jean is shocked to find that they’re still together, that Jeremy hasn’t gotten annoyed yet, and that their relationship is pretty stable. He’s grown used to waking up with Jeremy’s warmth next to him and the weight of his hand in his throughout the day. Sometimes it’s still too much, but he’s starting to find more comfort in the gestures than fear and to see Jeremy as a comfort and a constant instead of an enigma of terrifying, albeit good, feelings.

With this constancy, they’ve also become more open about their relationship with the other Trojans. Alvarez and Laila knew from the beginning, but now they’ll sometimes hold hands after practice or be a little more affectionate during. Everyone’s been supportive, but it’s still strange for Jean to adjust to having a relationship on the team. With the Ravens, sex had been normal (all too normal), but relationships were forbidden distractions. Here, there teammates were distant, but supportive and Jean didn’t know what to do with that. 

Things come to a head in this regard after a game, the first one they’ve had since winter break. It’s close, but they win and once they get off the field after handshakes Jeremy is practically bouncing and collides into him, tilting his head up for a kiss. Jean leans down and grants him it, trying to feed off of Jeremy’s adrenaline. Jean still can’t muster up any sort of enthusiasm for Exy, but he can certainly find joy in seeing Jeremy’s happiness and right now he’s practically glowing. Jean breaks the kiss and looks at him, wide grin and sweat slicked hair and is struck with a surge of want that throws him off guard. He’s never felt this for anyone, but now he looks at Jeremy and he needs to be closer. 

He leans in to whisper in Jeremy’s ear “Shower quickly.”

Jeremy looked up at him, surprised, but his eyes darkened a bit. “I...uh..yeah. Yeah.” He scurried off, shooting glances at Alvarez and gesturing wildly.

When they got back to their room, Jean had Jeremy pressed to the wall in no time, hands on his waist and lips pressed to his neck and collarbones, sucking dark marks into the pretty skin there. Jeremy whined, and scrabbled for anything of Jean’s that he could reach, eventually settling on his shoulders around his back. A few moments later, Jean felt like he could breathe again and pulled back to see Jeremy leaning against the wall looking dazed, but happy. He saw the marks he’d left and felt a little sick.

“I hurt you.”

“No,” Jeremy said quickly, “You didn’t. I like it.” He touched his hand to one of the hickeys and smiled. 

Jean was still retreating away, until Jeremy said, “Kiss me?”

He was so gone on this boy that he leans in to kiss him again and it buries the acid rising in his throat. As always, Jeremy was just on the edge of too much, but it was peaceful to be pulled in by these waves.


	4. Chapter 4

With Jean’s luck, it figures that the moment he finally feels settled and something akin to happy, everything changes. 

Jeremy is graduating and while he’s playing for a team close by and has an apartment only a half an hour away, Jean still has no idea how he’s going to function at USC without him.

He’s in the middle of looking around their dorm room, only it’s not theirs anymore. Their room was warm, and overflowing with Jeremy’s things all around the floor for Jean to trip over. Their room had posters of Jeremy’s favorite bands on the walls, and a collage of Jeremy and his family, with a picture in the corner of Jean and Jeremy that he cut into the shape of a heart.

But now all of that is gone, packed away into boxes and the walls are stark white and bare. It’s too much. It’s too much like the nest, with the opposite color scheme and he knew this was coming, he knew and he still let himself fall. He’s still falling when he sits on his bed. He doesn’t know how much time passes until he feels soft hands on his shoulders and hears his name being repeated over and over.

When his vision finally clears, it’s Jeremy kneeling in front of him, finally saying, “What’s going on?”

Jean is silent for a moment, just moving his hand to cup Jeremy’s cheek in his palm. He relishes in the way Jeremy nuzzles into him, letting his eyes close, before sighing and admitting, “I don’t want you to leave.”

Jeremy opens his mouth, presumably to reassure him that he’s close by and he’ll visit. Jean cuts him off by continuing, “I don’t want you to leave, and it’s selfish, it’s so selfish, because you deserve to live your life without worrying about having to run back to me because I can’t function like every other human being. I don’t want you to go and I hate myself for it.”

Jeremy moves up to sit next to Jean, thighs pressed close together and takes hold of Jean’s hand. 

“Baby,” Jeremy says, pet name reserved for only the most serious of situations, “I’m always going to want to come back to you. I hate that I’m leaving as much as you do. But you’ll be okay.”

Jean rolls his eyes, but Jeremy straightens and looks more serious than Jean has seen him. “Really. You will be okay. Everything that you’ve done? That’s you. I didn’t do anything except sit here and enjoy the ride.”

Jean scoffs, but Jeremy continues, insistent. “The fact that you’re even saying this? You’re not selfish. You have never let yourself want anything. And I hate it. I hate that you don’t feel like you deserve anything when you deserve the entire freakin’ world. So you need this year. You need to see that you can do this by yourself. And then you come back. Okay?”

Jean is silent for a moment before saying, “Had to get in one more captain’s pep talk before you left?”

Jeremy laughs. “Shut up!”

Jean’s laughing too then and he pulls Jeremy in for a deep kiss. He had the fight taken out of him years ago, but he throws in every ounce he can so that Jeremy knows that Jean’s willing to try, willing to accept that he might not have to give this up. He throws himself into the kiss and hopes it’s enough to keep him warm for the next year.


	5. Chapter 5

It’s almost enough.

But that doesn’t mean being apart is easy for either of them. Jeremy’s texts are a constant source of joy in Jean’s day and his optimism, as usual, makes things a bit easier to bear. Over the summer, Jeremy’s there practically every day. They both have practice, but evenings are free and it’s comfortable.

Once the season really starts for both of them, though, visits become a little less frequent as Jeremy’s flying across the country constantly and Jean has classes and his own games. They try to make up for it by Skypeing, but Jean can tell it’s taking a toll on Jeremy.

Things come to a head one night when Jean opens up Skype to find Jeremy smiling blearily at him.

“Hey babe,” Jeremy says, with a little less pep than usual.

“Hello,” Jean answers, “Tired?”

Jeremy groans and rubs at his eyes. “Yeah. No one warned me about how bad playing with jet lag is. It sucks.” He laughs weakly.

“You should get some sleep, mon couer.”

Jeremy runs his hands through his hair and Jean wishes more than anything that he could reach through the screen and tuck the loose curls by his face behind his ear. He settles for saying, “You need a haircut.”

Jeremy laughs, which turns into a yawn. “I do. Haven’t had the time. And I’ll sleep in a bit. I wanted to see you.”

Jean tries to swallow around the heaviness in his throat, but eventually finds his voice enough to say, “I want to see you too. But not at the expense of your health.”

“I’m fine,” Jeremy protests, “fit as a fiddle.”

Jean smiles. “How was Chicago?”

He listens as Jeremy rattles off tales about the game and the city and all he can think about is how he’s holding Jeremy back. He has all these amazing opportunities all over, but he’s staying where he’s at because of Jean. Bile rises in his throat, but he manages to nod and comment through Jeremy’s story. He talks about his own practices for a bit until he looks up and notices that it’s 1 AM.

“I should let you sleep,” Jean says finally.

“Fall asleep on Skype with me?” Jeremy asks hopefully.

“You know that always turns into us staying up all night, mon amour.”

Jeremy sighs. “You’re right.”

“I tend to be.”

Jeremy sticks his tongue out. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Good night.”

“Night!” Jeremy says, blowing one last kiss before closing out of the video.

Jean lies in silence for about an hour, but he can’t sleep, thoughts of his own inadequacies racing through his mind. At his wit’s end, he picks up his phone and sends, “I can’t do this.”

For the first time in a long time, he shuts down the feeling of his own heart breaking and goes to sleep.

\--

He wakes up to the blaring of his phone. He forgot that Alvarez had customized the ringtone on his phone for her, but the memory flooded back. He counted to five and took a deep breath before answering the phone.

“What the fuck?”

He doesn’t even get a full syllable out before, “No. Seriously. What. The. Fuck.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Jean answers truthfully.

“Are you serious?” she shrieks. “I want you to explain to me why a half an hour ago my best friend called me almost hyperventilating because he woke up to a cryptic ass text from you that sounds like you’re breaking up with him. Laila is literally the only person keeping me from flying to USC to kick your ass, so explanation. Now.”

“He’s spending too much time worrying about me. He needs to focus on his career. He needs to do what’s best for him and I know he won’t if he’s thinking about me.”

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe that’s a decision that’s better for him to make?”

“He tries too hard to make everyone else happy.”

He can practically hear her tearing at her hair through the phone. “That’s what makes him happy! I know you have very real and very valid self-esteem issues, but you make him happy. Any sacrifice he makes for you is his decision. Don’t screw things up for both of you because of some whacked-out guilt complex.”

“What about me is possibly worth it for him?”

Alvarez sighs. “Ask him that.”

“Will he talk to me?”

“The way I see it, you have about 45 minutes to get your butt to his apartment before it goes from a 3 AM freakout to a real breakup. Move, Frenchie.”

He smiles despite himself. “Thank you, Alvarez.”

“I’m still mad at you,” is all she says before hanging up.

\--

Jeremy’s apartment is technically half an hour away, but he makes it there in 25 minutes with creative use of his turn signal. It takes every ounce of strength he has to knock on the door, but he does.

Jeremy opens it and if it were anyone else he would have expected the door to slam in his face. Since it’s Jeremy, though, he just leans against the doorframe with his hands crossed. His eyes are red and he’s wrapped up in a hoodie too big for him, that Jean doesn’t have the heart to acknowledge is his.

Jean holds his hands out helplessly. “Can I come in and talk?”

“Now you want to talk?” Jean can tell that Jeremy wants that statement to have more bite behind it, but it just comes out hurt.

“Please.”

Jeremy sighs and moves aside to let Jean through and heads to the couch, where Jeremy has set up a truly impressive blanket nest. They sit down and Jean notes that it’s the most distance they’ve had between them since graduation.

“You panicked,” Jeremy guesses.

“I panicked,” Jean concedes. 

“Tell me.”

“You’re giving up so much to be with me. You could play with any team you wanted and you picked here so you’d be closer. You’re not sleeping, you’re wasting energy worrying about me. I just thought it would be easier if I let you go so you didn’t have to feel guilty doing it.”

Jeremy stares at him for a moment before quietly saying, “I do all those things because I love you.”

“I know, but-”

“No. Don’t cut me off. Don’t shut down before you’ve even heard me. I know where your brain goes. Listen to me. I. Love. You. And love is a choice. I’m choosing to build a life for myself, and when I imagine my life you’re in it. So I don’t see it as me giving things up. I see it as me building the life I want, and sometimes hard choices have to be made. But I want you more than I want some fancy contract in a city halfway across the country. Does it suck right now? Of course. But it’ll be worth it.”

“What is there about me that makes it so worth it to you?”

“You let me be me. Not some infallible symbol, but me. I can act stupid and you won’t laugh at me, you’ll laugh with me. And you’re so good and kind, but you don’t see it. You’re learning and you try so hard and you don’t even give yourself any credit. So give me credit. Trust me that I see so much in you and let me be the judge of that, okay?”

Jean sighs. “I hope one day I’ll believe you.”

“I know you will. Just talk to me next time you panic? I can’t do anything if I don’t know something’s wrong.”

Jean nods. A second later Jeremy’s crawled his way over so that his head is resting in the crook of Jean’s neck and Jean’s arms are wrapped around his back. He settles his lips against Jeremy’s hair and waits for him to talk.

“I was so scared,” Jeremy finally whispers.

“I know. I’m sorry, mon chou.”

“Not a cabbage,” Jeremy mumbles.

Jean looks down at him and runs his thumb over Jeremy’s lip. “Can I kiss you?”

Jeremy nods and leans in and Jean clings to him with everything he has because he almost lost this. He’s coming to accept that he’s lost with and without and at least this feeling, terrifying as it is, is a good kind of falling. He feels warm for the first time in days.


	6. Chapter 6

Jeremy felt like his entire body was a livewire. So much preparation had led to this day, and now that the ceremony way over, it was overwhelming in a different way. Now there were so many people to greet, while still trying to get to the reception on time and Jeremy felt like a bumblebee flitting from flower to flower. 

The only thing keeping him from ricocheting off the walls was Jean’s steady presence by his side, hand in his like a vise grip. It was grounding, the way he could always feel Jean next to him, bringing him back when it felt like he was spinning in so many different directions. He wanted to just curl up and nuzzle into his side, but he couldn’t because they were standing and had to talk to people. It was horribly inconvenient.

He looked down at their joined hands and drew strength from the two silver bands on their ring fingers. 

They were married.

Jeremy smiled to himself in wonder as he thought about what that meant. Jeremy had dated before Jean, sure, but he was always too much for whoever he was with. His first relationship had ended with the person telling him he was annoying, and that he should learn to talk about things people actually cared about. In his second relationship, he was “fake and stupid”. He learned to be less and less, until he found the Trojans, but then in dating, Jeremy just found himself being used by people who just wanted to take, take, take until Jeremy had just accepted that that was who he was and what he was good for.

But Jean...Jean looked at Jeremy like the sun rose and set with him. He acted like every second he got with Jeremy was a gift and treated every gesture of love like the finest treasure. He left Jeremy little things that reminded him of him and always knew when Jeremy was stressed and remembered that Jeremy liked having his hair played with when that happened. Jean had had so much taken from him and still gave Jeremy so much back. He didn’t expect Jeremy to give; every bit of himself that Jeremy gave, Jean was grateful for. And that made all the difference.

Jean squeezed their hands. “Tired already, my love?”

Jeremy smiled softly. “No. Just thinking about how I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Once they made it to the limo that would take them to the reception, Jean stopped them before they got in and leaned down to kiss him deeply. Jeremy’s head swam with how much he loved Jean and how much Jean loved him and how happy he felt, like he could fly or climb a mountain or do anything. 

He pulled away, flushed, and laughed when he heard Alvarez wolf whistle. Even Kevin was smiling, Jeremy noted as he looked out at the crowd.

Jean simply nodded. “Shall we?” he asked, holding out a hand.

Jeremy nodded and headed into the car, his heart full to bursting.


End file.
